I hate Ross Geller but this isn't about him, it's about what's next

I was watching Friends but I had to turn it off because I didn't want to miss anything

I didn't want to miss anything

But I missed a lot of school

I missed soccer games and baseball games because of practice

I promised my friends I would go to the next one

But I missed that too

I missed mission call openings and the Senior Dinner Dance

But I didn't miss my brother's wedding

I didn't miss the chance to kiss the boy who made me realize that kissing while slow dancing in the rain was way better than kissing in the backseat of a douchey and conceited Junior's car

I didn't miss speaking at seminary graduation

And I didn't miss the chance to hug my dad tonight

High school taught me that friends are great but they leave much too soon

And you can yell at your family, but they'll still be there in the morning

It taught me that being valedictorian was never what I wanted and I'm much more of an athlete than a nerd and that's okay too

It taught me how to keep secrets from everyone but my mom

That rap music and country and church music all make me happy in different ways

It taught me that I deserve much better than a boy who expects me to keep our kisses a secret 

And that love is a four letter word I can't pronounce

I learned that I may not know how to pronounce it but love is something I do too deeply

I learned that I care more about kids and animals than I care to admit

That cutting in line in traffic is something that makes me feel really bad because Abby told me how much it bugs her

I learned that I care a whole lot more about other people's feelings than my own

I look in the mirror and I see someone so much stronger than I did at the beginning of sophomore year

I don't shy away from raising my hand to ask questions I want to know the answer to

I have a lot to say and I'm not afraid to say it anymore

I'm not afraid of confrontation and talking on the phone is no longer my biggest fear

I'm not afraid of commitment and I know I'm not a quitter

I found myself

After living in fear of judgment for so long I finally learned that I'm my own biggest judge

my name is Emma Victoria Fruehan and it took me all this time to realize that I'm not afraid of anything but the unknown

and even that is a stretch

because the unknown is beautiful and it's the thing we step into on Thursday at 12;30 pm

and I'll probably cry but not because I'll miss high school or all the kids I never really talked to

I'll cry because I've mastered it

I learned how to miss the maximum amount of school without ever worrying about attendance school

I know every hallway and which streets to avoid in the morning if I'm running late

I know the teachers and how to get an A without any effort at all

This place has been my home for three years and this week we get evicted

I guess it's time to greet the unknown with strong open arms

I'm hoping for a warm embrace

For Isaac

I made you a mixtape and then I got assigned your blog and I think it's fate because I used to have a crush on you
All the girls in the neighborhood did actually and I don't know if you knew or not but your name got brought up quite a bit at summer sleepovers when we were naming who we liked in the ward.
(Please disregard this because we were like 12 and I shouldn't be held accountable for anything I did at that age)

Anyway... I feel like anything I write to you or for you would be inadequate
Your words surpass mine by a longshot and maybe it's because I don't have such a broad vocabulary as you do

Each post makes me wonder about the person behind the pronoun
Because you have to be writing about someone

For the longest time, your writing intimidated me
And it must be because I get lost in the metaphors and the uncommon words tested my intelligence, but your words are beautiful and deserve much more praise

The post I gravitated most towards was entitled Raw and the emotion I could feel as I read it could only be described as just that- raw.


A few favorite lines:

"I guess my clothes are more sorry than I am
After all they speak louder than I do"

"Our hands forming their own opinions"

"Love and leave now synonymous"

"Because maybe some of them are still lonely
Because even death isn't the cure-all we hoped it was"

"And I'm beginning to wonder if it's the person or their feelings that are fake"

"I hate you because that's easy"

"I named it nostalgia
And it smells like my dad"

"But to me, cheeks are the most loving
Cause they catch all the tears of sadness"

"Mixed taped and outerwear are no indicator of identity"



Thank you for sharing your words, Isaac. Thank you for allowing us the privilege of reading them.